Have you ever found yourself in that place where the whole world seems lost in a fog? That is where I have found myself of late. Things have gotten hard around here lately. Really hard. Like the kind of hard where you find tears as your constant companion and the light you thought was at the end of the tunnel seems to have flickered out. It's that place where there don't seem to be good answers to any of your questions, good solutions to any of your problems or enough of anything to give to anyone needing something from you. It's that place where you cry out, "God, I'm in the Word, I'm begging for wisdom, I'm confessing sin, I'm acknowledging my need, I'm trying to wait patiently, but I'm drowning here. Do you see?"
Of course He sees and He knows and He understands and He is wise and powerful and good in all things. So what does that say of my fog, and tears and struggle? Are they ultimately for my joy and my good and God's glory? Were He to lift me from the midst of the fog to the place of His vantage point wouldn't my soul rejoice in the glory of what He is doing? Is it possible that the tears and the struggle are just a piece of sharing in the sufferings of Christ which has been granted to His children in wisdom, love, and goodness? Might it be that the light that seems to have flickered out at the end of my tunnel is simply hidden from my sight by a bend in the tunnel I did not foresee? Could it be that the light which I seek is actually that of the risen Christ blazing in all of His glory as He intercedes on my behalf before God Himself? Indeed, He intercedes for me as one who is able to sympathize with my weakness and has known struggle and tears. He himself cried out, "My God why have you forsaken me?" And that is a darkness I will never know because Christ knew it for me.
So what do we do, when despair seems to be pounding at the door, self pity is crying in our ears, and fear is crouching at every corner? Preach the gospel to ourselves! Believe what God proclaims is true regardless of how untrue it feels. Acknowledge our deep need and wait for the Great Need-Meet-er. So, that is where I find myself tonight. The fog hasn't lifted, I don't see any light before me and the tears are still very much present, but I am choosing to believe what I cannot see and trust the One who carries me even when I can't feel it. And if I am quiet the sound of despair is slowing being drowned out by the words of an old hymn...a quiet gift of mercy from the LORD.
He Giveth More Grace
He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase,
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied sorrows, His multiplied peace.
His love has not limit, His grace has no measure,
He power has no boundary known unto men,
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half-done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun.
