What I didn't get done today

I'm sitting here alone in the quiet, dark house thinking I should be enjoying a few moments of peace and all I can think about is everything I didn't get done today.  Those thoughts plague me, not just at the end of the day, but continually throughout the day.  When I wake up in the morning, there are always high expectations for the day which are usually dashed about the minute I enter the chaos of the day.  What I didn't get done.....where to begin?  I didn't get the kitchen counters cleared off.  (I read something that said keeping kitchen counters cleared off helps keep your whole home running more smoothly.)  I didn't get that no-bite nail polish on my nail-biting kids' fingers.  One of them has chewed through her nails and is now working on the ends of her fingers....sometimes they even bleed.  I really needed to get that done.  I didn't clean my bedroom....its a disaster.  I didn't empty the laundry baskets piled with all kinds of who knows what at this point.  My husband said to just pitch it all.  If I hadn't missed it up to this point, I'll probably never miss any of it.....except there is a chance that the missing van key is hiding in one of the baskets.  I didn't make granola for breakfast tomorrow.  Saturday is granola day.  Guess we will fast, that is spiritual and requires fewer dishes resulting in cleaner kitchen counters and cleanliness is next to godliness right?  I didn't check the kids' spelling or quiz them on their history or check to see if their independent school work all got finished.  I didn't make sure that they all put their laundry away.  Claims that the laundry is all folded and put away correctly have not always proven to be totally accurate in the past.  I didn't email my baby sister who just found out she is pregnant with twins to let her know that while she may be filled with fear and trepidation, I am confident in the God who has called her to this task and her willingness to press into Him with each difficult turn.  I didn't get out lingering Christmas cards that at this point I should just repurpose into Valentine's Day cards.  Repurposing is "in" right?  I didn't get around to cutting the boys' hair, or vacuuming the stairs after taking down the Christmas decorations.  I didn't glue the heads or broken feet back on the plastic men on the foosball table.  I didn't exercise, get the mail, make sure the chickens got put away, or get through the next chapter in Prince Caspian.  (We are falling behind.)  I didn't figure out why the bottom of the dishwasher is full of water, but went ahead and ran it anyways.  Hopefully the kitchen won't be flooded in the morning.  Amidst my futile stewing about all the things I didn't get done today I wonder why it maters so much to me.  I guess there is a piece of me that still finds my significance in what I can do; how well I can manage the chaos.  As if someday the Lord will congratulate me on helping my daughter kick her nail-biting habit so quickly.  Eternity will not be impacted if my kitchen counters are clean tonight.  I'm not throwing it all to the wind believe....this chaos is still my life.  But among all the "I didn't" statements echoing in my mind, an emphatic "It is finished" sounded louder still.  What is finished?  Quiet gospel truth begin to invade my thoughts.  God's righteous demands met in full.  My sin atoned for completely.  God didn't manage chaos, He poured out His wrath on Son to purchase a people for Himself.  Why am I fighting so hard to manage my life when I am called to surrender?  I am not my own, but have been bought with a price.  Christ accomplished for me what I could never do for myself.  As one of my favorite preachers said, "He's not against me anymore....(now) His only attitude towards me is mercy, mercy, mercy."  Suddenly, I can breath a little easier, the quiet is a bit more peaceful and my heart a little more joy-filled.  Never mind the unmade granola or the mail still sitting in the mailbox.  As much as I would like to think that a quiet, clean house or well-educated, articulate, respectful children would make my life easier (I really think they would) easier isn't the point.  Redemption is the point and it is already accomplished.  I live in that already-not-yet world where I walk by faith not sight.  I live in the messy here and now, where I come up short in a thousand ways every day, feel my need deeply and fight to remember that everything I need in Christ I already have and that one day my faith will be made sight.  I look back and remember what Christ has done for me.  I look forward and cling to the promises that are mine as His child and walk one day at a time through dark valleys and hidden winding paths.  Cleaner counters are not the ultimate answer, nor homemade granola, well folded laundry or perfect spelling tests.  This I need to remember, but will likely forget and have to be reminded of again.  But that is the beauty of the gospel it not that thing which saved me once upon a time, but a reality which is continually renewing my thinking and refining my heart.