So, I am venturing to write again, not because I have anything profound to say tonight, but because its what I do, and I think somehow it's good for my soul. When my heart slows down long enough to keep up with my typing fingers, those truths I once remembered, yet have forgotten to cling to lately, sort of find their way back to a place of resting in my soul. I write to to help myself remember who God is and what He is all about, because I forget so easily.
The days have been hard recently and in some ways very dark. We are not living in a state of crisis, but extreme weariness of the soul. I was thinking back on different seasons of life and marveling at how so often even in the midst of crisis or suffering their was a nearness of Christ and desperation that made His supply so sweet. Sufferings were painful, but in a bittersweet way because the beauty of Christ shone so brilliantly amongst them. These days we are walking are different. They are long, difficult, wearying with little variation in the scenery and no clear evidence of change up ahead. There is an emotional exhaustion in battling for and with the little unregenerate souls given to one's care that cannot be explained. It can suck the life out of you faster than almost anything else, and unlike a real marathon gives you no guarantee of an end in sight. I would gladly cheer for a mile marker sign right now regardless of what it read. Sure the physical realities of caring for a family of almost ten are no small task, but it's the emotional and spiritual battles that driving us to our knees.
So what it is about these days that makes them so long and hard? I think part of it is the mystery of the mundane. Mundane. It's what most of life is really made of. There are huge callings. Marriage, missions, ministry, new jobs, college, children, adoption, fostering, etc. Yet all of those callings consist of day after day of living in the mundane. Eating, sleeping, cleaning, shopping, driving, emailing, learning the next small lesson, studying for the next test, changing the next diaper, wiping the next runny nose, swapping out clothes for the kids because yes they are still growing. We don't think about all those pieces when we follow God's calling. We obey because.....well a lot of different reasons I suppose, but I don't think any of them includes, "I just really like the mundane and this calling will have a lot of that." But they all do! I don't particularly like the mundane parts of life. I want to cook a stellar meal and have all my children rave about it....not gonna happen. I want to my kids surrender their lives to Christ, be radically transformed and begin loving one another out of hearts that have been captured by grace and just ooze it all over each other. (Not killing each other is a success these days) I want to impact lives and open our home as a place of rest and comfort and peace. (Our home is anything but those adjectives). I want to know God, enjoy His word, let my heart worship freely. (An uninterrupted quiet time is a victory.) So, here is the reality. This is a crazy season and maybe my ideas of ministry, family, worship are really more about some artificial, plastic picture of what we all think we are supposed to be, rather than the gospel. We know about the crazy awesome miracles of Christ, His suffering, death and resurrection for our redemption, but I wonder about the mundane parts of His life. He obeyed the Father fully in all things not just the "glorious". Before His three years of ministry, he lived a full life of full obedience very little of which is recorded for us. What were those "less noteworthy days filled with? When Jesus was baptized by John at the beginning of His public ministry God said of Christ, "This is my Son in Whom I am well pleased." Jesus had not yet healed anyone, forgiven anyone, died for anyone. He had lived in complete obedience for thirty years filled with untold mundane moments over which God smiled and was fully glorified! Can the mundane be glorious? I wonder if I saw it as such, how differently my heart might feel in the wiping of noses, preparing of meals and teaching of spelling. We didn't choose to homeschool because I like long division. We didn't choose to have lots of kids because we like to listen to complaining or enjoy cleaning up other people's messes. We didn't choose to adopt because we like our lives to be messy and unpredictable. We have sought to follow God because we trust his heart, and love the calling He has put on our lives which at this point includes a lot of long division, complaining, messes and unpredictability along with untold other "mundane" moments. Lord help see with Your eyes the glorious purposes you have in the mundane. Let me rest in Christ's full obedience and find joy in the days you have set before me.
