Arrived in Philippines!

August 6, 2013

There are words that must be spoken; not because of the ear they must reach, but because of the soul that cannot contain them…and that is mine.  I am not a powerful orator or great debater, but God has given me as the outlet for my soul the written word.  It is the stage on which I sing the endless mercies of Christ. It is the megaphone by which I get to proclaim the greatness of God.   It is temple court where I testify to what He has done.  It is sneaking away with my laptop to a quiet corner of the bathroom in Manila so as not to wake my jet-lagged husband and son because my soul would not be quieted or the tears silenced as I lay awake overwhelmed by God’s goodness and provision of Himself.  The written word for me is the gospel of grace in my life rising up and spilling out from my soul onto paper.   And so while my life prefers to hide in the quiet of my home, the gospel work that God has been doing from the beginning of time which He has folded me into, cannot be contained and so I will write as long as He gives me words. 

It is Tuesday morning in Manila, 6:30 or so I think.  This is the day that we have been waiting for these last four years.  Now if that doesn’t put a little pressure on ones expectations for a day, I don’t know what does.  Despite having very little sleep over the past two days, I found myself awake early mind racing over the day before me.  I confess, there was a great deal of fear and timidity in my heart accompanied by dismay that my heart so quickly forgets the sufficiency of Christ.  But as I laid my fears before Him one by one they vanished and as verse upon verse flooded my mind and swirled with worship lyrics deeply rising from within, the tears began.  His goodness is too much for me…its quite beyond words, even for me.  The LORD brought to mind a multitude of times and places where He proved to enough for when all else failed.  Suddenly this day wasn’t about me, my little family and my expectations for the day….it was about Christ!  He brought me to this day.  He ransomed my life unto a purpose.  He planned things for me before I was even born, this day being one of them.  He lavished grace on me, not so I could merely bask in it, but so that it could spill over into the lives of others.  Today for the first time in the flesh that will include Joann, Jhonel, and Joy!  Spilling and grace are both messy ideas.  Neither involves containment or control, so graciously God helped my hands let go of both this morning. 

I have begun to liken this adoption journey to skydiving.  For years now, we have been planning, preparing, reading the books, watching the videos, and interviewing expert skydivers.  In recent weeks we have packed our chutes, donned our gear, secured our helmets and scoped out the drop zone.  Well, it’s just about time to jump.  Our imaginations have run wild playing out the scenarios.  Will our chutes open smoothly or yank our breath away?  Will we relish the fall into grace or fight the out-of-control feeling altogether? Will we gaze in wonder and awe at the beauty around us or hurl headlong into a death spiral?  Probably yes to all of it. The certainty of this day rests not in the circumstances of it, but in the One who created it and has chosen it for us.  So, our outcome is already secure.  What is left to us is to believe what we cannot see….His hand sustaining us, and enjoy the wonder of His grace once again and live to tell about it.  See you on the ground!